Monday, February 17, 2014

Tabitha talks Fiona, and "Dance of Chaos", her new book release.

Most of my readers will be aware that I will soon be releasing Dance of Chaos, a prequel to Gift of Continence. 

The book follows our intrepid heroine, Fiona MacDougall, both in the workplace and at home with her dysfunctional family.

To give you an idea of what Fiona is like, I’ve decided to let her speak for herself. So without further ado, Fiona MacDougall in her own words:

On career planning: “What I really wanted to be was General MacDougall, interstellar saviour of the universe.”
On dressing for success: “….if you have a job where your dress is going to keep blowing up around your waist, you can’t very well have tatty old knickers.”
On work ethics: “I got in by nine every morning and only took an hour for lunch, except on Thursday when I had to go shopping.”
On personal responsibility: “I often think it’s unfair that I get the blame for so many things.”
On subject matter expertise: “You’re always safe if you say something really vague.”
On photocopying: “How was I supposed to know you had to put the stuff in upside down? And one page at a time?”

On gardening: “I hate gardening, bits of earth always get under my fingernails; anyway, that’s what other people are for….”
On fashion: Velvet attracts a lot of cat hairs. You’d think if the cat was the same colour as the clothes that they wouldn’t show, but they always do.”
On entertaining: “White robes aren’t really the best thing to wear for dinner at our house.”

On being arrested: “I knew from the movies that I would be allowed one phone call…. it would be better value to ring someone long distance.”
On church work: “After I spilt a bottle of Brasso all over the altar, my services weren’t in such demand…. how was I supposed to know you were supposed to take the candlesticks out the back to clean them? They looked heavy, and I had my fingernails to consider. The Brasso ate a big hole in the curtains that go round the front of the altar, but they weren’t very nice ones anyway, sort of a mouldy olive green colour. I found some super red ones which I put up instead, they were much nicer and went well with the carpet. I don’t know why Father Simpson wasn’t more pleased, I suppose he must be colour blind.”
On university life: “…. We were both asked to leave, although how on earth I should have been expected to know that you weren’t allowed to have animals is beyond me.”

On relationships: “It would only give him silly ideas if I started running after him, ringing him up and so on. Best to stay with my usual habit of not returning his first six calls after he dumped me. That was guaranteed to result in flowers, chocolates and a really good night out….”
On dealing with trauma: “I wanted to cry, but didn’t, because I knew with a horrible certainty that no one would notice.”
On ethics: “I felt the truth was just too sordid and infra dig for public consumption. As, of course, truth nearly always is, and that’s why we have manners….”
On aesthetics: “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s women who look better than me.”
On religion: “You mustn’t walk on a grave or your teeth fall out. Besides, it’s not respectful.”

On the Law: “….apparently if you say something and someone else relies on what you said and does something because of it that turns out badly for them, they can sue you.”

You can find Tabitha's books on Amazon - - HERE

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